Bill De Blasio Issues Mandatory Tin-foil Hat Law

People’s Blog

Bill De Blasio Issues Mandatory Tin-foil Hat Law

Komrades, another State-approved news flash interruption.

As a NYC native (and hate that fact), I feel an obligation to report news to this kollektive, fresh hot from the New York Motherland (I say this ironically sometimes). So here it is:

Bill De Blasio, mayor of NYC, and an unpopular one on that, has announced to the cameras at City Hall another Draconian Orwellian fair bill into law to add on top of an already large pile of shit laws. This new law will force everyone in NYC, like everyday street proles, NYPD members, City Sanitation workers, and government employees to wear tinfoil hats, including in bed, and even to the grave.

"It is not fair that I, your incredibly incompetent mayor, is rightfully seen as a loony nut-job wearing a tin-foil hat" said the Mayor, "with this law, ALL New Yorkers will now be loony nut-jobs, and look the part too!".

Yours truly has done a good-old-fashioned take-it-to-the-streets, and has interviewed random people he found on the street. These are their stories (who’ll even get this Law & Order reference?):

"I’ve never regretted more voting for this guy to mayor, first in 2013, then in 2017, fool me twice, than ever!!" – Pro Let Ariat

"The old uniform cap had fabric, so it helped wick away some perspiration. With this new tin-foil hat, I now get a complimentary stinky, sweaty sauna every-time I’m on shift – then again, I have to suffer enjoy it off-shift as well!!" – NYPD officer around the corner in that police car

"I always unquestioningly accepts what the mayor says lying down. After all, I don’t question the fact that a mayor who doesn’t even know me personally knows what’s best for me. I never ever realised … read more … Statistics : 1 Post || 39 Views Post by The People’s Anthony Sullivan
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